We only get to live this life once. This may be my only chance to hold you; let you know that I love you; tell you that it's never too late. Live your lives as you must; do what you feel is right. So much of life is reactionary. Each day we are presented with new encounters, stimuli, inspirations, challenges, pains, and so on. What truly defines us and dictates our experience are our choices and reactions to the substances of life. I find that acceptance is key to a healthy existence. It is said that the pain of life is inevitable, suffering however is optional. Certainly easier said than done. The act of acceptance is a continual lifelong process. Acceptance is less about "live and let live." This is more about an opening of the heart, an active effort to understand and the willingness to allow it all to just be. As my Uncle would say, it is what it is.
Acceptance is all good and well. So we can live our lives aware of and in spite of all that we know. That doesn't mean we have to understand it, we simply acknowledge without protest. What about forgiveness?
Forgiveness n
Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'.
This stuff just doesn't get any easier. These concepts are difficult enough to universally define, let alone put into practice in real life. I find stories help me to understand and remember the power of acceptance and ultimate forgiveness:
One such tale is the story of Kuan Yin, the Bodhisattva and goddess of mercy and compassion. It is said that Kuan Yin first came to earth as Miao Shan, the daughter of a cruel and selfish man. Her father forbid her wishes to pursue life as a nun and attempted to force her into marriage. When she chose instead to follow her own path her father inflicted punishment through harsh manual labor and by later setting fire to her temple. Miao Shan put the fire out using her bare hands, sustaining no injuries. This frightened her father so he ordered she be put to death. Miraculously Miao Shan escaped the clutches of death. Years later when she received news of her father's deteriorating health she sacrificed her own flesh and eye so that he could live. Grateful of the mysterious healer who had saved his life, her father traveled to the mountain where she had been living. The man was shocked to discover that his savior was his daughter, only now she had reached full enlightenment as the goddess and Bodhisattva Kuan Yin. Fearful for his life the man cowered and begged forgiveness. Without a moments hesitation Kuan Yin forgave her father. It is even said that at the time of her attempted murder, Kuan Yin took on the massive karmic guilt of her executioner so as to prevent his suffering. Through Kuan Yin's willingness to forgive she was able to alleviate her father's misery by bringing him closer to enlightenment, in turn uplifting her own spirit.
Stories such as this may sound too fanciful and idealistic, yet they inspire and remind me the power of forgiveness. Even so, if this leaves you feeling that forgiveness on such high levels could not possibly exist in any tangible sense here in the real world think again:
1948: Shop owner forgives man who threatened and stole more than one hundred dollars from her. An angry mob of around 50 neighbors beat and dragged the man back to her shop following the robbery. She hushed the crowd and gently whipped the swollen face of her attacker with a towel and warm water.
1953: At the grave site of her slain 14 year-old daughter, the mother forgave the murderer and asked God to do the same.
1998: Six-year-old Madison Anthony looked with wide brown eyes at the man who nearly killed her in a hit-and-run accident the previous year and told him, "I forgive you.'' The accident left her severely injured and brain damaged.
2000: In a public forum an African woman who had lost her mother to violent men who had raped and murdered her offered forgiveness. She initiated a process of healing for herself, the perpetrators, and the overall community.
True forgiveness.
Sometimes it feels as though we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. Then again, perhaps we carry more than is necessary. Perhaps we carry the hurt and pain of the past with us. Perhaps if we were to reach out to one another, we may find life to be a little easier. The bitterness of life is eased by the support of those we love, in turn the sweetness of life is enhanced by the shared company of our companions.
The following is dedicated to my mother and her two brothers.
This is it, we have one chance to be there for each other; to share each other's company and to take part in each-other's lives. I for one do not want to look back on my life with any regret. That is why I wrote this letter. That is why I still have hope that we can be together and share in the joys of life. If there is something that bothers you yet it is beyond your control, seek to accept and work with it. If there is hurt in your past that you carry with you, aspire to forgive.
This is not merely for me, this is for us. The processes of acceptance and forgiveness may not be easy, but they certainly pay off in the long run. There is much pain in life, but why choose to suffer when we can be together? The hurts of the past will never go away but we can choose to accept and forgive so that we may move forward together.
I hope that someday all of the pain and hurt of the past will fade away to reveal one undeniable truth:
Life is good.
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