Happy Genocidal Colonist Day!

Many people are familiar with the true history behind Christopher Columbus.  First and foremost he was a colonizer which means that his job was to rape, torture, murder, and enslave the indigenous people of the lands he explored and settled.  Evidence of his actions were well documented by numerous witnesses and by his own hand as he kept record of his exploits in a journal.  Here Columbus explains in a letter to a friend how he forced indigenous girls and women to be sex slaves:


"A hundred castellanoes (a Spanish coin) are as easily obtained for a woman as for a farm, and it is very general and there are plenty of dealers who go about looking for girls; those from nine to ten (years old) are now in demand." 1500


In reality Columbus was not revered as a hero in his time, in fact he was arrested and imprisoned upon return to Europe for his brutal ways.


So why celebrate a man who committed such heinous acts against humanity?  Some have construed the celebration of Columbus to be a celebration of Italian pride.  Of course one can celebrate Italian pride without honoring a criminal; one could certainly celebrate German pride without having Hitler Day.

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Random Art: The Delightful Product of Sleep Deprivation

To Accept and Forgive

The following is dedicated to my mother and her two brothers.


We only get to live this life once.  This may be my only chance to hold you; let you know that I love you; tell you that it's never too late.  Live your lives as you must; do what you feel is right.  So much of life is reactionary.  Each day we are presented with new encounters, stimuli, inspirations, challenges, pains, and so on.  What truly defines us and dictates our experience are our choices and reactions to the substances of life.  I find that acceptance is key to a healthy existence.  It is said that the pain of life is inevitable, suffering however is optional.  Certainly easier said than done.  The act of acceptance is a continual lifelong process.  Acceptance is less about "live and let live."  This is more about an opening of the heart, an active effort to understand and the willingness to allow it all to just be.  As my Uncle would say, it is what it is. 

Acceptance is all good and well.  So we can live our lives aware of and in spite of all that we know.  That doesn't mean we have to understand it, we simply acknowledge without protest.  What about forgiveness?

Forgiveness n

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'.

This stuff just doesn't get any easier.  These concepts are difficult enough to universally define, let alone put into practice in real life.  I find stories help me to understand and remember the power of acceptance and ultimate forgiveness:

One such tale is the story of Kuan Yin, the Bodhisattva and goddess of mercy and compassion.  It is said that Kuan Yin first came to earth as Miao Shan, the daughter of a cruel and selfish man.  Her father forbid her wishes to pursue life as a nun and attempted to force her into marriage.  When she chose instead to follow her own path her father inflicted punishment through harsh manual labor and by later setting fire to her temple.  Miao Shan put the fire out using her bare hands, sustaining no injuries.  This frightened her father so he ordered she be put to death.  Miraculously Miao Shan escaped the clutches of death.  Years later when she received news of her father's deteriorating health she sacrificed her own flesh and eye so that he could live.  Grateful of the mysterious healer who had saved his life, her father traveled to the mountain where she had been living.  The man was shocked to discover that his savior was his daughter, only now she had reached full enlightenment as the goddess and Bodhisattva Kuan Yin.  Fearful for his life the man cowered and begged forgiveness.  Without a moments hesitation Kuan Yin forgave her father.  It is even said that at the time of her attempted murder, Kuan Yin took on the massive karmic guilt of her executioner so as to prevent his suffering.  Through Kuan Yin's willingness to forgive she was able to alleviate her father's misery by bringing him closer to enlightenment, in turn uplifting her own spirit.

 

Stories such as this may sound too fanciful and idealistic, yet they inspire and remind me the power of forgiveness.  Even so, if this leaves you feeling that forgiveness on such high levels could not possibly exist in any tangible sense here in the real world think again:

1948: Shop owner forgives man who threatened and stole more than one hundred dollars from her.  An angry mob of around 50 neighbors beat and dragged the man back to her shop following the robbery.  She hushed the crowd and gently whipped the swollen face of her attacker with a towel and warm water.

1953: At the grave site of her slain 14 year-old daughter, the mother forgave the murderer and asked God to do the same. 

1998: Six-year-old Madison Anthony looked with wide brown eyes at the man who nearly killed her in a hit-and-run accident the previous year and told him, "I forgive you.''  The accident left her severely injured and brain damaged.

 

2000: In a public forum an African woman who had lost her mother to violent men who had raped and murdered her offered forgiveness.  She initiated a process of healing for herself, the perpetrators, and the overall community.

 

True forgiveness.

 

Sometimes it feels as though we have the weight of the world on our shoulders.  Then again, perhaps we carry more than is necessary.  Perhaps we carry the hurt and pain of the past with us.  Perhaps if we were to reach out to one another, we may find life to be a little easier.  The bitterness of life is eased by the support of those we love, in turn the sweetness of life is enhanced by the shared company of our companions.

The following is dedicated to my mother and her two brothers. 

This is it, we have one chance to be there for each other; to share each other's company and to take part in each-other's lives.  I for one do not want to look back on my life with any regret.  That is why I wrote this letter.  That is why I still have hope that we can be together and share in the joys of life.  If there is something that bothers you yet it is beyond your control, seek to accept and work with it.  If there is hurt in your past that you carry with you, aspire to forgive.

 

This is not merely for me, this is for us.  The processes of acceptance and forgiveness may not be easy, but they certainly pay off in the long run.  There is much pain in life, but why choose to suffer when we can be together?  The hurts of the past will never go away but we can choose to accept and forgive so that we may move forward together.

 

I hope that someday all of the pain and hurt of the past will fade away to reveal one undeniable truth:

 

Life is good.

The Open Letter of an Activist

A recent turn of events has had a rather humbling effect on my outlook.  Although it is certainly not my intention, my involvement as an activist and as an idealist lends to the perception of self righteousness.  My personal experiences with interpersonal sexual violence has been the driving force behind the current direction of my life.  Academic endeavors have centered around systems of oppression and building a skill set to address societal inequalities.  Since I graduated from high school I have been working in community based organizations providing support, resources, advocacy, and education to underrepresented populations.  In the past I have worked in the Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT or LGBTQ) Services community office.  In the nearly two years of my employment I bared witness to the very real stresses and fears of LGBTQ students and community members.  Stories of discrimination and even aggression at the hands of peers and college professors are commonplace.  On a personal level I have feared for my own safety when a hate crime was committed on campus and I realized how very visible I am as an active member of the LGBTQ community.

In my efforts to educate about the devastating effects of discrimination I have become lost in my own rhetoric and forgotten a very essential piece in the process; open mindedness.  I often find myself inflicting harsh judgments upon people who express some semblance of bigotry.  My inability to be open to alternative even opposing perspectives has limited my ability to create dialog.  The restorative practices which I hold in such high regard require an advanced degree of openness and communication with all parties involved.

My exploration of these issues has led me to the conclusion that nothing exists in terms of black and white, yet my mindset relies heavily on what I perceive as absolutes.  It would appear that my hypocrisy knows no bounds.  While this is an issue which I have long been acquainted with and in a continuous process of addressing, it strictly governs the confines of my interactions.  Naturally, such judgments have a rather degenerative effect on many of the relationships I hold, be them intimate, professional, friendly, or otherwise.

Yet another issue which serves to further confuse an already convoluted process are the ways in which I tend to respond to the real or perceived presence of conflict.  I was raised under the tyrannic, violent, and unpredictable rule of a domestic abuser.  His erratic and volatile manner which could shift from a calm casual conversation to a violent beating with no discernible catalyst instilled in me a sense of hyper vigilance which remains with me to this day.  I began to withdraw, speaking and acting less and less.  The thought process was that if I did nothing, surly there would be nothing to instigate him.  Unfortunately this was not the case.  Avoidance and withdrawal were my survival tactics, traits that became heavily ingrained.

At times I am told I am being too sensitive or that I am taking things personally.  Well my apologies, but this happens to be an unavoidable side affect of working within identity based politics.  Someone once said to me that my inability to separate the issue from the person is particularly problematic.  While there is no denying the validity of such a statement, it is also pertinent to acknowledge that within identity politics there is no separating the issue from the individual.  Sexism is an attack on me as a woman; Anti-Semitic remarks deface me as a Jewish person; homophobic sentiments are disrespectful to me as a member of the LGBTQ community, and so on.  Furthermore, such identities are inseparable from who we are as human beings, and often beyond the realm of choice.

What of those who self identify as allies to said movements?  Yet another dynamic in the delicate balance.  I myself identify and work as an ally with a number of communities to which I hold no official standing or identity other than that of a supporter.  Such relations are precarious indeed and prone to exist in an ever evolving state.  A crucial piece in the functionality of an ally is the positive identification of the individual as an ally by members of the supported community.  An ally must be cautious so as to avoid co-opting a movement from those of identity based ownership.  Being an ally requires a great deal of patience and a willingness to listen as the ultimate goal should be to serve the needs of others rather than some self serving motive.  Of recent, a primary example of this in my life has been in reference to women's and feminist based movements.  While I welcome, acknowledge, and value the presence of gender queer, gender variant, and trans people in women's spaces, I struggle with those who  have not experienced the perspective of a feminine identified person.  Cisgendered men, or men who identify with the gender assigned to them at birth, can certainly be allies to women and undoubtedly may hold feminist ideals, however their identity as male precludes them from being self identified feminists as this risks an underlying implication of speaking for women rather than in support of.

A while ago a colleague of mine politely approached an individual who proclaimed the GLBT office to be "of the devil."  Later that same individual returned to offer an apology.  I was astounded at the courage that both of them had; my colleague for addressing the situation in an appropriate and effective way, and the individual for being bold enough to return.  As a people, we hold such great potential to learn and grow.  As an individual I will continue to grapple with the acceptance of varying, at times oppositional perspectives.  Social conditioning is an inescapable aspect impacting all interactions we face.  Although from my perspective it seems too irrational and counterproductive to respect one individual's right to disrespect another, at some point I will have to acknowledge that my perspective likely appears equally irrational and counterproductive to them.

Lyrical Wanderings

A Cowardly Passion

She writes me

eloquent and flowing

sweet yet potent, the nectar of my mind

I can sense her presence

pulsing through my brain waves

forcing a state of consciousness slightly detached yet completely connected

 

She whispers in the night
and my eyes drift into the distance of the darkness

feeling thoughts slip through fingertips as I search for reprise

 

ever present She dictates ambivalent expeditions

lyrical journeys propelled by distant melodies  

She sings in foreign tongues

and although I can not remember, I know the words by heart 

Her touch sends me miles away

and on the wing of contemplation I am lost in my own skin

desperately grasping for the boundaries of reality, yet hopelessly lost within

 

I can taste Her brilliance for She is all around me
my eyes play upon the rythms of Her song

I may be lost to the world but I have reached harmony within Her

 

I feel engulfed by an all encompassing glamor

the ebb and flow of which captivates and inspires

 

I yearn to be Her lover but feel unworthy

to dance at Her side on the tides of creation

at Her whim I would trace the sonnets of the sky

 

Here I wait my spirit hushed

the essence of my being transformed by Her embrace

waking dreams scribble verse over eyelids unopened 

as my cortex flutters in ever vigilant composition

Coming Out

I wrote this some time ago but have never shared it.  The recent string of youth suicides in the LGBT community breaks my heart.  Taking the approach that Harvey Milk encouraged, if more of us are brave enough to come out and share who we are then we will gradually inspire change.  I want the world to know that I am not afraid nor am I ashamed of who I am and that no one else should be either.  We are loved.


Dear Family and Friends, 

Many of you already know this, some of you may find this to be a shock.  Before I drop the bomb I would like to lay some ground work.  Who I am is not necessarily defined by what I am about to tell you, however this is very important to who I am as a person.

This is very difficult for me.  I have always been open about who I am and what I believe in.  My family has known for as long as I have.  I've never felt the need to hide this from friends. If this is new information to you there is likely a reason I have not shared this with you as of yet.  Know that I have wanted to for a very long time.  You are important to me, I value our relationship and I want you to know who I am.  I don't want to have to hide any aspect of my being; to do so would greatly diminish our relationship.

Sometimes I may seem quiet or distant.  This may be because I am nervous, afraid that who I am may slip out.  I am concerned how you might receive me if you knew.  Will it change what you think of me?  Will you treat me differently?  I certainly hope not, I am still Savannah.

Why is this such a big deal?  It really shouldn't be.  This is who I am.  You may not like it, but you don't have to; after all this is my life not yours.  You may not understand, you may not acknowledge what I am going to tell you, but I assure you, this is part of who I am.  Trust me, nobody knows me better than I do.

Viewer discretion is advised: you should read on and take in with all intentions of holding on and continuing connections with me.  Please be open minded, I offer myself to you as a whole being, not the watered down portion visible to you before.  

Are you ready?

I am a woman, I am a student, I am pansexual, I am a musician, I am a vegetarian, I am an artist, I am bisexual, I am academic, I am an animal lover, I am queer, I am curious, I am a Witch, I am Jewish, I am polyamorous...I am...I am...Savannah...I am Savy Sggrl...I am...

Many of these aspects of my being may already familiar to you.  Some may be new, or confusing.  Bisexual: I am romantically attracted to all genders.  Pansexual: I am romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender presentation or identity.  Queer: I am variant and or fluid in my gender and sexual identity/presentation.  Polyamorous: I have multiple loves.  I consider myself part of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender community.

I care about you, I respect you, please respect me.  I told you this because you are important to me, I want you to know who I am.  I want to be able to be myself around you, I don't want to be afraid anymore.  If you would like to discuss any of this, please let me know.  I hope we can use this opportunity to learn from one another and grow.

Thank you for reading.

Respectfully yours,

Savannah